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1 Thing You Can Do Today to Be Happier | Sonja Lyubomirsky | TED

TED04:59Added Aug 30, 2026

Can anyone become happier? Psychologist Sonja Lyubomirsky studies this question in her lab, doing experiments on "happiness interventions" to see what kinds of actions elicit this sought-after emotion. In a quick talk, she shares the results of her work: a small shift that can change your relationships and put you on the path to happiness. (Created in collaboration with ‪‪@ignite‬; Recorded at TEDNext 2025 on November 11, 2025)

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Contributed by 刘嘉琪

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  1. 00:03I’m a happiness scientist,
  2. 00:05and I've been a happiness scientist
  3. 00:07for 36 years.
  4. 00:09For my entire professional career,
  5. 00:10I've been obsessed with learning the secrets
  6. 00:13to being a happy person --
  7. 00:15with trying to answer the question: Can anyone become happier?
  8. 00:19Now how do we even study something like that?
  9. 00:22Well, in 1998, my lab pioneered what we call happiness interventions.
  10. 00:28Happiness interventions are experiments with human participants.
  11. 00:32Over the years, we've done dozens of these experiments,
  12. 00:35testing whether practices like expressing gratitude
  13. 00:38or doing acts of kindness or simply acting like an extrovert
  14. 00:43make people happier.
  15. 00:45And they do. Under the right conditions.
  16. 00:48My students and I spent decades doing these experiments.
  17. 00:52This work made my career,
  18. 00:54and yet I realized that I hadn't really been listening
  19. 00:57to what the data were trying to tell me.
  20. 01:00And then it finally clicked.
  21. 01:02It dawned on me that almost all of the interventions that work
  22. 01:06to make us happier,
  23. 01:07they work precisely because they help us
  24. 01:10feel more connected to and loved by others.
  25. 01:13So writing a gratitude letter to my mom makes me feel more loved by her.
  26. 01:18And doing an act of kindness for my colleague
  27. 01:21makes me feel closer to him.
  28. 01:23In other words, what I learned is that to be a better happiness scientist,
  29. 01:27I had to become a love scientist.
  30. 01:30Because, as it turns out,
  31. 01:31the key to happiness is feeling connected and loved.
  32. 01:37And I know that sounds like a cliché,
  33. 01:39but many powerful ideas do once you distill them.
  34. 01:42The real challenge and opportunity is how to put it into practice.
  35. 01:47So then how do we connect?
  36. 01:49Well we can connect through touch or dance or eye contact.
  37. 01:54But let's face it,
  38. 01:56in Western culture, in many cultures, actually,
  39. 01:58we mostly connect by talking.
  40. 02:01Yet here's the problem with our social world today.
  41. 02:04Even when we're talking, we all have walls around us.
  42. 02:08There are walls around our friends, colleagues, neighbors, even family.
  43. 02:12We build those walls to protect ourselves,
  44. 02:15yet they also keep us from ever really letting anyone in.
  45. 02:18They keep us from becoming truly known.
  46. 02:22So this is literally my number one happiness tip.
  47. 02:25The one thing I wish everybody knew.
  48. 02:27We will feel more loved if we become more known,
  49. 02:31if we learn to talk to people in a way that takes down the walls between us.
  50. 02:36The secret is super simple, yet I think massively profound.
  51. 02:40If you do one thing today to be happier,
  52. 02:43let it be this.
  53. 02:44Approach your next conversation differently from what you've done before.
  54. 02:50First, by sharing from the heart.
  55. 02:52You take down your walls by sharing something real about yourself,
  56. 02:56not just your highlight reel.
  57. 02:58Whether with your best friend, colleague or first date,
  58. 03:01be brave enough to let others see the real you.
  59. 03:05Here's a simple practice.
  60. 03:06Start small. Pacing is really important.
  61. 03:09So don't immediately share your deepest secret or trauma.
  62. 03:12If you go deep too fast,
  63. 03:14everyone's walls will come right back up again.
  64. 03:16Instead, in the beginning, maybe say something honest,
  65. 03:19like "I've had a rough day" instead of "I'm fine."
  66. 03:23Recent studies show that people will like you more
  67. 03:26when the conversation is deeper, as opposed to shallower.
  68. 03:30Two, you help the other person lower their walls when you listen to them
  69. 03:36in order to learn, not to respond.
  70. 03:39Quiet your voice so theirs can be heard.
  71. 03:43So during your next conversation, instead of mentally rehearsing your story,
  72. 03:47try to listen like there's going to be a quiz tomorrow.
  73. 03:51Furthermore, ask one more question than you’d normally ask,
  74. 03:56like: How did that really feel?
  75. 03:58Such questions signal that you're right there with them.
  76. 04:02When was the last time someone asked you a real question about your life?
  77. 04:07It's rare.
  78. 04:09Yet research shows that people yearn to be asked,
  79. 04:11and those who ask questions are better liked.
  80. 04:15And yet, you've probably all had this experience.
  81. 04:18Someone talks at you for an hour, tells you their whole life story,
  82. 04:21then walks away knowing nothing about you.
  83. 04:23Am I right?
  84. 04:24That's not what I meant.
  85. 04:26Sharing and listening hold hands.
  86. 04:29If you only share, it's a monologue.
  87. 04:31If you only listen, it's an interview.
  88. 04:33But when you do both, that's when the magic happens.
  89. 04:38And that's it. It's really that simple.
  90. 04:41By sharing a little more and listening a little deeper,
  91. 04:45all of us can learn to take the walls down.
  92. 04:48If we do, we’ll know one another better.
  93. 04:51We’ll feel more loved.
  94. 04:53And we’ll help the people in our lives feel more love too.
  95. 04:57Thank you.
  96. 04:58(Applause)