Transcriptly

What Would Your “Deathbed Self” Tell You Today? | Lauren Deeley | TED

TED06:20Added Aug 30, 2026

What if the key to making better decisions today is getting to know the person you'll become tomorrow? Drawing on psychological research and real-life stories, private wealth advisor Lauren Deeley explores how building a meaningful connection with your "deathbed self" can bring more clarity, joy and intention to the life you're building right now. (Recorded at TEDNext 2025 on November 10, 2025)

Watch on YouTube →
Contributed by 刘嘉琪

Transcript

Transcript format
  1. 00:03I want you to imagine yourself on your deathbed.
  2. 00:09But you're smiling.
  3. 00:12Your soul is exhausted and full.
  4. 00:17What do you look like?
  5. 00:19What are you wearing?
  6. 00:20Who's with you, where are you?
  7. 00:24Everything in my life that I'm most proud of,
  8. 00:28I can attribute to conversations
  9. 00:30that I've had with someone very important to me.
  10. 00:33Her name is Deathbed Deeley.
  11. 00:37(Laughter)
  12. 00:38Let me explain.
  13. 00:40I have this deep, crystal-clear relationship
  14. 00:42with my future, deathbed self.
  15. 00:44She has deep smile lines from a lifetime spent laughing,
  16. 00:47leathery skin from spending so much time outside,
  17. 00:51long gray hair.
  18. 00:52And before you think I'm crazy for talking to my deathbed self,
  19. 00:57there's actual research to back up this approach
  20. 01:00to making big, bold decisions.
  21. 01:02Hal Hershfield, the UCLA psychologist and professor,
  22. 01:05has shown that our brains actually treat our future selves
  23. 01:09as a completely separate person from our today-self.
  24. 01:12And this can make it really hard
  25. 01:14to make decisions that benefit our long-term well-being.
  26. 01:17And his research also showed
  27. 01:20that when we can stay connected to our future selves,
  28. 01:23we often lead more fulfilling lives.
  29. 01:25So for me, deathbed Deeley isn't another person.
  30. 01:28She's me, I'm her right now.
  31. 01:30And our conversations have led me on a wild path
  32. 01:33that so far has taken me to a career where I get to help other people
  33. 01:37talk to their own deathbed selves.
  34. 01:40And no, I'm not a late-night TV psychic.
  35. 01:44I work in financial planning and wealth management.
  36. 01:48(Laughter)
  37. 01:50I know, it's not what I was expecting either,
  38. 01:52but hear me out.
  39. 01:53My career is about so much more than just managing your money.
  40. 01:57It's about helping you envision your future self
  41. 01:59to get to know him or her or them,
  42. 02:02and then be their advocate
  43. 02:03so that today-you can go make big, bold decisions.
  44. 02:08But let's back up.
  45. 02:09The first time I met Deathbed Deeley, I was 22 years old
  46. 02:12and I had this insane opportunity to take all my meager savings
  47. 02:16and buy a hostel in San Jose, Costa Rica.
  48. 02:19Now there are about a thousand "what ifs"
  49. 02:21and "what can go wrongs" with a decision like this.
  50. 02:23So with the sellers on the phone, like, an actual corded phone,
  51. 02:26I sat on a bed,
  52. 02:28closed my eyes,
  53. 02:29and I asked myself:
  54. 02:31What would my future self think?
  55. 02:34And then I saw her.
  56. 02:36Laugh lines, gray hair, aspen trees out the window.
  57. 02:38I imagined walking away from the deal,
  58. 02:40and there was this look of deep disappointment
  59. 02:43on Deathbed Deeley's face.
  60. 02:45And then I imagined saying yes.
  61. 02:47She got this wry little smile, and this sense of deep, powerful,
  62. 02:52calm energy filled my body.
  63. 02:54The choice was clear: I was buying a hostel.
  64. 02:57(Laughter)
  65. 02:59Now fast forward, a few years ago,
  66. 03:01I got a call from two friends of a great client.
  67. 03:03To protect their privacy, we'll call them Alex and Avery.
  68. 03:06Alex and Avery had just experienced the sudden passing of a dear friend
  69. 03:10just hours after they'd been skiing together.
  70. 03:13Their friend was 62 years old.
  71. 03:15And this awakened something in them that they had known for quite some time.
  72. 03:19The typical plan of work until 65, then retire, then finally live,
  73. 03:23was wrong for them.
  74. 03:24What they wanted was to work until age 55,
  75. 03:28take a ten-year "pre-retirement,"
  76. 03:31spending time with the people they love,
  77. 03:32doing the things that they love.
  78. 03:34Then they'd go back to the workforce at age 65,
  79. 03:37in novel, low-stress jobs.
  80. 03:40This is my catnip.
  81. 03:42So we sat down,
  82. 03:43we put a plan in place that was personalized to them.
  83. 03:47And what I can tell you is that as they're moving towards this goal,
  84. 03:50they are experiencing more joy, more spaciousness,
  85. 03:53because they're on a path that's right for their future selves.
  86. 03:57Now back in the pandemic,
  87. 03:59I got a call from one of my favorite people in the whole world.
  88. 04:03We'll call her Lil.
  89. 04:05Lil's life had just fallen apart.
  90. 04:06Her words.
  91. 04:08She'd been living in Vermont, teaching art,
  92. 04:10when suddenly the world shut down and her mother passed away.
  93. 04:14So she goes out to the west coast to visit some friends.
  94. 04:17She stops into a little shop that she'd known for years.
  95. 04:20The shop owner was also struggling -- pandemic --
  96. 04:22and offered Lil the chance to take over the business.
  97. 04:25Now for most people,
  98. 04:27buying a retail business in the middle of a global shutdown
  99. 04:32would be a hard no.
  100. 04:35But Lil said yes, instantly.
  101. 04:37She had no plan, no idea how it would work out,
  102. 04:39no business experience.
  103. 04:41But when she got quiet and thought about her future,
  104. 04:44it was an immediate “hell yes.”
  105. 04:46So we got to work.
  106. 04:48We mapped out the cash flow needs, the runway, the safety net,
  107. 04:51the investment plan we'd leg into as the business started to succeed.
  108. 04:54And now, five years later, I can tell you, the shop is thriving.
  109. 04:57From that moment in the pandemic,
  110. 05:00Lil's life has exploded in abundance
  111. 05:04in ways that I don't think either of us could have imagined.
  112. 05:07All because she followed that one clear yes
  113. 05:11from her future self.
  114. 05:14Now I believe the purpose of life is to be able to get to the end
  115. 05:18and look back and say, "Damn!
  116. 05:21I lived that one."
  117. 05:22(Laughter)
  118. 05:23Yeah, my people are like, right here.
  119. 05:25(Laughter)
  120. 05:28And that starts with having better conversations.
  121. 05:32Go find a financial partner who will meet you where you're at,
  122. 05:35ask better questions, listen.
  123. 05:36Who will help you get to know your future self and be their advocate.
  124. 05:40And most importantly,
  125. 05:42go talk to your deathbed selves.
  126. 05:45Our deathbed selves are so attuned to our core values
  127. 05:48that when we really take the time to envision
  128. 05:51and relate to who we will be in that moment
  129. 05:54when the veil between this life and the next gets thin,
  130. 05:58we act according to what really matters to our soul.
  131. 06:02And when we make decisions with that framework,
  132. 06:05we will all have the joy of looking back on our lives exhausted, smiling
  133. 06:12and ready for the next adventure.
  134. 06:14Thank you.
  135. 06:15(Cheers and applause)